


WHERE DID YOU GO

by istanlena



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers Needs a Hug, Angst, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Love Triangle, Supercorp endgame, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-01-29 17:36:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21414028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istanlena/pseuds/istanlena
Summary: Kara and Lena fall out of touch after she finds out kara is supergirl. Kara quits being Supergirl and leaves without telling anyone. Two years later and no one knows where she is. Alex and Winn go to Lena for help.ORThe one where Kara starts writing letters to Lena but never sends them to respect her space. A couple of months after the fallout kara decided to leave National City behind to try and find herself again, she accidentally opens up a portal on another and gets stuck, when the superfriends find out they are surprised by how much she changed.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers/Kate Kane, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor/Kara Danvers
Comments: 27
Kudos: 193





	1. learn how to live without me

**Author's Note:**

> You all really loved the original part so I'm continuing it and putting it back on AO3 please share it so we can help others find it again!

"_Three years_, " Lena said, her voice filled with anger and devastation as if she didn't want to believe it.

"Lee, I'm sorry."

"That all you got? 'I'm_ sorry_'? For three _fucking _years, you pretended to care about me. You pretended to love me. Those words mean nothing. I don't want to stand and watch you lie to me anymore, so save us both the time and stop coming here ."

"I do care about you, Lena! It's just I-" Kara was cut off from her stammering.

"You what? Exactly. Get out." Lena demanded.

"Please, I don't know how to exist in a world without you, you're my best friend!" Kara's eyes started watering as she begged Lena for another chance. "You're going to have to learn how to, _Supergirl_," Lena stated as her green piercing eyes glared at the hero with hatred before she went back inside her penthouse and closed the balcony door while making sure to turn on the lead barrier. 

The moment Kara arrived at her loft, she fell to the floor and started sobbing for what seemed like forever. Lena's words were playing in her head like a broken record, over and over again.

_"You're going to have to learn how to."_

She stifled a sob as she dug her fingernails into the spruce floor that had just recently been cleaned.Kara reminds herself that she can _control _that grief and devastation and turn it into something painstakingly beautiful. The Kryptonian promised herself that she wouldn't care anymore. She would learn to become numb and cold to those feelings, betray her soft and tender heart, be selfish. She vowed never to become so _attached _to something, _someone _in her life again, to open her heart to love again.

So that's what she does. She works day and night, as supergirl and a journalist, she solves cases and writes amazing articles. The _real_ way, no more going to her best friend for an interview anymore, and as Supergirl, she takes more control. She doesn't play nice with the villains anymore; she no longer stops for pictures and autographs, 

________

**Months later**

Alex was torn apart; her sister disappeared, _Supergirl _disappeared, the city was going crazy worrying for their hero, some saying she died others still having a bit of hope that she will be back.

After months of trying to find out where Kara was, Alex finally recruits Winn to try and find Kara's tracks because there was no way for her to hide all her technological traces and purchases. Even though she was smarter than the average person because she lived for thirteen years on a technologically advanced planet, the hero still grew up on the earth, so she was bound to make some mistakes.

Is this all really because of that stupid Luthor? Alex would think. She hated the fact that she grew to immensely hate Lena because of the state she had left her sister in; after all, she was one of their best friends. It started becoming frustrating because Kara was damn good at hiding her transactions. It was even harder since it has been almost a full year since Kara had disappeared, and they weren't able to find any leads. Not even Superman was able to help since he didn't know Kara's heartbeat, and he wasn't able to hear another Kryptonians heartbeat.

Their last hope was Lena, the cause of all this. They doubted she would want to help her former ex-friends to try and find the person that made her hate herself for trusting someone again, especially a super. Again, Winn started working on trying to find Lena last they heard she had moved back Metropolis city and hired someone to work for her as Acting CEO as she was starting a new company called Light. They knew the odds of her helping them was very low, but they had to try.

Within two weeks, Winn was able to find Lena's address since she wasn't trying to hide from them. They knew that she wouldn't go to extreme measures since kara and the others would all respect her wishes. Alex booked the earliest flight out to Metropolis for the next day. She was determined to get Lena to help her even though they haven't spoken in nearly two years.


	2. feeling some sympathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have rewritten this chapter many times but this time it's IT I suggest you re-read it or go halfway through and read it from there because the dialogue and scenes have changed a lot.

The flight to Metropolis was long and exhausting for Alex and Winn. Winn had decided to tag along to try and help Alex talk to Lena since they weren't on the best of terms, but Lena and Winn had a lot in common, and with him there, the chances of getting Lena back were much higher.

Alex was slowly getting irritated by Winn's continuous fidgeting. Still, she couldn't bother to say anything about it because she was just happy to be taking off into the air and hopefully getting to talk to Lena. Calling Lena would alert her since she changed her number, which meant they would have been invading her privacy, so they decided to drop that plan and head to Lena's after relaxing for a while at the hotel.

"Do you think they will let us inside? I mean, she lives in a luxurious place no doubt the security would be alerted to see middle-class people trying to get in. I mean-" Winn rambled on before Alex cut him off.

"Winn! Buddy, relax. We can change the DEO cards into FBI ones so they would have to let us in no matter what." Alex explained as she took out her DEO Card and turned it into an FBI card.

"Oh, yes, of course. I didn't think about that- gosh, I'm sorry I'm just really nervous. I mean, this is _ Lena _that was talking about she can be freezing and mean for all we know she doesn't give a damn about what happened to Kara."

"No need to apologize, Winn, but there still has to be a part of Lena that cares about Kara, and even if she doesn't, she owes us this. After all the times, Kara has saved her as both Supergirl and Kara Danvers. She _ needs _ to do this." Alex explained, almost trying to convince herself.

Once the car stopped, Alex and Winn walked out towards the building's front door only to be stopped by the guards.

"Sorry, Ma'am, sir. You're not allowed in here unless you are a resident." The guard explains slowly, implying they don't look like they belong, which makes Alex roll her eyes and take out her 'FBI' card out, "Agent Danvers and Agent Schott, we're here to see Lena Luthor, we can't tell you because this is a _ private _ investigation." The redhead explains making sure the guard understands that he is entirely irrelevant to the matter. 

"I'm very sorry. Go ahead in." The guard said suddenly, very wary of himself. 

Alex and Winn made their way into the building; all eyes in the lobby were drawn to them, seeing their uniform. 

All of a sudden, Alex and Winn are at Lena's front door scared to do anything. She takes a deep breath before knocking three times loud but slowly. Making sure she was heard and that Lena gets the message to open the door.

A few seconds pass by, and Winn starts getting impatient. He knocks on the door four times quickly and loudly before Alex smacks the back of his head. "Winn! There was no need for that."

"I'm here, be patient!" She hears a distant voice yell from the inside.

"Yes, there was she could have been avoiding us."

"There is a bell, honestly." They hear a velvety voice say from behind the door. 

The door opens to reveal a very still and shocked Lena. Her brunette hair was let down straight and beat. She was wearing her grey pullover and casual jeans with black lulus boot heels.

"Lena, it's good to see you again. We're here to talk. If you don't mind." Alex quickly gets to the point, not wanting to make small talk and friendly greetings; after all, this was the woman who broke her sister's heart. 

_ "Oh," _ Lena gulps as she looks nervously at the two before she recomposes and looks into Alex's eyes.

"I don't believe there is anything to talk about." Lena tells them in a matter of factly stated voice, "Now, I have some business to attend to and seeing that you're not FBI, I should get back to work." Lena goes to close the door boldly, making sure the malice and aggressiveness in her voice were heard, but Winn quickly butts in. 

"Lena, please, just a quick chat, and if you don't want anything to do with this, we won't bother you, ever again."

Lena quirks an eyebrow at that, there was a reason she never trusted the DEO, and one of them is because they never kept their promises, she was met by a sheepish grin from Winn and a huff from Alex. 

"Come on in." Lena opens the door to her penthouse and stands rigidly at the door as the two agents pass by. 

Lena's penthouse suited her as if it was designed perfectly for her, which again would make sense, considering she's one of the wealthiest people on earth. Large with clean tall white walls, that were accompanied by expensive-looking paintings and expensive furnishing, keeping up with the theme, 'Expensive, modern and aesthetic.' To the far right is a black and white picture of Grand Central Station with wide beams of light pouring in through the large windows leading to the balcony. 

Alex and Winn made their way inside, both of them looking composed, but inside they were freaking out, at least Winn was. Lena gestured for them to sit down. The agents took a seat at the couch that was in the center of the room as Lena sat in the opposite them in the loveseat. 

When all three were seated, Lena gestured Alex to start talking by quirking an eyebrow- again- and waving at her. Truthfully, Lena knew what this was about; she just wanted it to seem as if she didn't know what happened to Kara because she no longer cared. Even if that were the furthest thing from the truth because Lena still loved Kara, Lena would always love Kara, and maybe that's why it hurt so much. So much that she can't play their old songs anymore, can't bring herself to press play, she can't relive the moments they created because then she thinks she hears Kara's voice again. Sounding so devastated and broken on that night that Lena confronted her. So she stays away from everything to do with Kara, but that doesn't mean she won't hear of the world's superhero going missing. She is gone missing for almost two years now if she had been counting correctly. 

"Yes," Alex confirmed, and Lena nodded slightly before her gaze fell to the floor. "What about it?" Lena questioned.

"Let's not do this, pretending that you don't know what happened to her because you do. If your forgetting I'm a very high trained agent, you can't lie to me."

"Never did Agent Danvers, I just asked a simple question, _ what about it? _" Lena straightened her back. 

"Lena, how can you honestly not care! This is your be-" Alex lashed out at Lena and was stopped from going any further by Winn. 

He whispered something in her ear, which seemed to make the woman step back and take a seat. "Sorry about that, _ I _will talk from now."

"Again, you're wasting your _ and _ mine Mr.Schott, but go ahead since _ somebody _over there insists on acting like a child." Lena sneered out her voice, poisoned with bitter venom. 

"Says the one who moved across the country because her friend kept a secret from her," Alex commented back. 

"Can we all just _ please _ be civil for half an hour!" Winn exhausted yelled out. 

Lena sighed, willing to compromise if it meant the agents would get out sooner. She honestly was surprised at herself for not kicking them out when Alex started yelling at her."Fine, first start with telling me why the hell all of you were so adamant about keeping me out of the loop." 

"Well, at first it was because we didn't know you. The first few weeks before everyone started to trust you. We kept telling Kara to keep her identity hidden around you. Then the whole trial came up, and then we made her very careful around you since she was so hellbent on being your friend."

"But she wouldn't listen. She kept insisting you were innocent and that you weren't like your family even after seeing the videotape. James, J'onn, the DEO, heck even Winn thought you were guilty and tried to stop Kara from helping you, but she got mad at all of us and left to help you." Alex interjected and picked up from then apparently having calmed down. 

"I thought I was explaining!" Winn whined, which received him two very terrifying sets of glares if looks could kill. A Luthor and an Alex glare was never a good thing. 

"After you were proven innocent, you and she started growing closer soon, becoming best friends and doing everything together. Forsakes, you dated the same guy!" That earned her a bittersweet chuckle out of Lena.

That was always so funny to her, how can two women who dated the same guy ever be best friends? She was known to the whole having friends thing, but she was sure that this wasn't a typical situation, and usually, it was very awkward, but that didn't seem to bother either of them. Of course, the memory was distant, and all was left of it was the bittersweet taste it left in Lena's heart, not because of James no, because that seemed like it was the only thing her and Kara had in common after Lena had found out that the reporter was Supergirl and not the blonde personification of a golden retriever. 

"She started feeling guilty after that because she knew how difficult it is for you to trust someone, she wanted to tell you, but I think deep down Kara was scared of losing you, so she didn't. Then a couple of days before the whole Kryptonite incident between you and her, she was going to tell you, but you two started arguing, and she broke your trust, so she chickened out then too." Alex looks to Winn to tell the rest of it while she takes a sip of her water.

"Then your brother came back and tried to take over America, and she swore she was going to tell you after it was over and if she didn't we would, but he already beat us to that. She was going to tell you when you guys were on the plane, but she backed out because of your speech. Now, that was selfish of her, but I think she didn't want to hurt you because she knew you would hate her-" Winn was cut off when Lena looks into his eyes and coldly states. "I would have rather her to tell me any day instead of Lex. Just shows I never really had your trust." The CEO's eyes start watering, but she wouldn't let those tears out she kept her voice steady and motioned for Winn to go on.

"That's not true, Lena, she did tell you during the Pulitzer party." 

Lena was confused as to why she hasn't kicked them out yet. She thought maybe the truth would help her get closure and move on from that chapter of her life. But perhaps _just perhaps deep down, _ she wanted everything to go back to the way it was. She wanted her best friend by her side; _ she wanted her family again,_ although Lena wasn't going to admit that.

"She started throwing herself into work, often skipping game nights, canceling sisters night and drinking to the point where she passes out. She started slacking off at the DEO and as Supergirl. She started throwing tantrums, and when dangerous people came, she threw herself into fights recklessly. It was... suicidal, I always knew she was reckless, but I never realized what it was. 

Lena gulped hard and breathed in. She gave Alex a moment to compose herself. "After that, we started becoming worried about her. She would get into arguments with us almost every day about the silliest things. Until one day, I went over to her place so we can talk. Instead, I found no one there and just a note on the coffee table saying that she was leaving. She wasn't going to be Supergirl anymore and that National City would be safe for once. She went on about how she risked her life every day for strangers, and yet people were expecting more every day. She said she wanted to be selfish for once. So she left. It's been almost two years since that day, Lena."

Lena's heart broke more and more as she heard how much pain she caused her best friend. The most selfless, beautiful person in the world. The person who risked her life for her over and over again almost getting killed sometimes. She winced at the memory of Lillian shooting Kara with kryptonite, how her best friend risked her identity and safe place to save her from the poison in that coffee, _but_ she wasn't feeling guilty for protecting herself. For moving away and _trying_ to become happier. Even if that seemed to have miserably failed. "I can help." Alex and Winn's facial expressions seemed to portray the amount of shock all _three _of them felt. 

_ 'Where the hell did that come from?' _ Lena thought to herself. 

"I can help you find her as a way to make up for all the times Supergirl had to save me. But after that your going back to National City. Understood?"   
  


Alex and Winn looked at each other for a few seconds, trying to register what they heard before quickly agreeing to Lena's proposal. "Yes, of course, we promise."

"I honestly don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to your promises; it's like their a mix of the DEO's and yours, you can never be too sure. Now, will you be staying in Metropolis while we work on this?"

"We?" Winn asked, "Well yes," Lena chuckled, "You know her better than I do, well, did. Either way, I'll need your help, so you should head over to Metropolis Center's Hotel- I'll call the owner to get you rooms."

"You don't have to do that, Lena."

"It's fine, the faster you can leave. Come back tomorrow with everything, you know." Lena remarked.

Alex was hurt to hear Lena speak in such a manner to her, but she figured it was the best she was going to get and decided to shut her mouth. After all, if it means they get Lena's help, Alex would put up with anything.

"Well, thank you," Alex said. 

"Yeah, thank you, Lena, and I'm sorry for the part I have played in all of this." Winn apologizes and nudges Alex indicating her to do the same, "Ahem, Uhm, me too. I'm sorry."

Lena wasn't sure how to reply to the apologizes, so she nodded her head. 

"See you tomorrow Lena." The brunette wasn't sure why, but that caused her some sense of relief. 


	3. take me back to when it was just the two of us

"Not too shabby Danvers," Sara said with a smirk on her face. "You say that every time! I wasn't even able to get a single hit on you." Kara replied with a groan. She was getting slowly agitated. It had been a year since she accidentally opened up a portal to Earth -1 and was stuck there without her powers.

The first day there she got there, she was almost attacked by some gang members hiding around the block. Thankfully, Sara and the rest of the legends were there to help her. The fact that she ended up in another universe freaked her out, especially without her powers. No one could figure out how she lost them, but Kara hasn't been able to use them for a year. It was like losing a huge part of herself; she was no different than a human now, bleeds, breaks bones, gets hurt, and tired. Of course, she was still in better shape than an average human due to all the training with Sara, league of assassins style.

"Badass" as Sara likes to call it.

"You've been here for a year and a half, and your better than I was four years into the league training. But of course you can't be me, sweetheart I've been reincarnated before and spent six years killing people, I'm just teaching you in a more accepted way. I think."

"Yeah, I know."

"Go get some rest now. We need you ready if anything happens."

Kara nods at her and goes to the lounge where she finds Mick sitting on the bean bags completely drunk, and a drunk Rory means you can rant or do whatever you want, and he won't even notice. (Mostly because he's blackout drunk) She takes a seat next to him and grabs the bottle of whiskey from his hands. Nothing was meant to end up this way. She was supposed to stop being Supergirl and move to Asia without anyone being able to find her.

She was supposed to get over the heartbreak, embrace being selfish, live for once. Not only that, but she lost her powers, the only thing that makes her different. She remembers being in her apartment and wishing that they would be stripped away from her so she can be normal. It turns out normal is overrated.

The memory of flying through the plane fields at incredible speed was still fresh in her mind what she didn't realize is that she was flying so fast to the point where she opened up a portal to earth one, her guess is, when she opened up the portal it exhumed all of her powers while transporting her to another universe.

_ She was flying so fast, but to her, it was like the world was going in slow motion, the wind was hitting her face making her hair fly back behind her, she felt free at that moment and then that blue light appears and beams at her she tries to stop moving towards it except she couldn't. It was too fast, and all of a sudden, she finds herself traveling through galaxies until another portal opens up. Suddenly she finds herself on another earth. Powerless, a human. _

No one has been able to help her, they've spoken to team arrow, team flash, even firestorm couldn't help her, but in the end, she got what she wished for, her powers gone, and she was in an entirely different universe where her family and friends couldn't be able to find her.

She snapped her head to the direction she heard footsteps coming from"Hey Kara, give it to me. What's bothering you, I need something to take my mind off that  _ stupid, stupid Nate."  _ Kara was surprised to hear that come out of Zari's mouth. She was shocked, and she found it a bit amusing. "Wait for me!" She listened to the distant voice that belonged to Sara call out. Once Sara arrived and took a seat next to Zari and Kara, the three girls started gossiping next to a drunk blacked out Rory. "So, what's the crinkle for?" That got Kara to groan.

' _ I _ swear _ I'm going to get botox for this!'  _ She thought. So she told them, told them how she missed her family and friends.

"I don't know what I was thinking about moving away. They probably have stopped trying to find me right now. I don't deserve any of them. I was such a brat and an even worse friend. I mean, I told this girl that I was Supergirl after weeks of knowing her, but I didn't tell my best friend for three years!" She exclaimed.

Kara didn't know why she still cares. Lena hates her; she made that clear last time they spoke.

" _ I hate you, Supergirl. Don't come after me; were done here. I can't believe that once upon a time, I would have died for you. At least the person I thought you were. Goodbye, Supergirl."  _ She winces at the memory. Lena's voice was filled with hate. She treated Kara as her enemy. She talked to her like she was Lex.

"I've seen her talk to people before, but never to me. Even when Supergirl and Lena were arguing, she still never sounded so..." Kara paused, trying to find the right word. "so  _ cold."  _ She finished with a deep inhale.

She thinks back to the reasons why she left in the first place. Every moment spent crying, every moment in the phantom zone, all the sadness and fear comes rushing back to her. The silence and the years spent in that small pod with nothing and no one but herself and her thoughts. The memories of watching her planet disintegrate and blast right in front of her slowly broke her every time. The fear she felt when she got knocked off her course — not knowing what was going to follow. It all rushed back to her that day. So she told them  _ everything. _

Of course, they already knew, but they also knew it haunted Kara every day of her life. She regretted many things. Such as sending James to check on Lena's lab and using her last name against her. She wasn't the victim here. Lena was, and although she knew that she shouldn't be feeling upset or even giving a damn about Lena anymore, her heart broke every time she thought about her. She shouldn't be caring about her, because if she cares, she puts them in more danger. She puts everyone she loves in danger.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Sara asks with sympathy. " Yes, I did, and I ruined it. Like I ruin everything good that happens to me. Not only that, I put her in danger and caused her brother to go after her."

"But you did for her safety!" Zari differentiates.

"Yes, but she doesn't know that! I hurt her deeply, and although I did it for her safety, she was always at risk either way. I made it worse. She didn't need protection from the world; she  _ needed protection from me. _ The moment she started trusting people and opening up, I ruined it." It hurt to think that. It hurt to know that the beautiful kind Lena was forever gone and replaced by the stiff untrusting Luthor she was so scared of becoming, and yet Kara hoped that wasn't what her ex-best friend and the love of her life turned into. She was much better than her family.

She just hoped Lena still remembers all the good things about herself.

"No one is better at wrecking things than me; trust me, if I got a second chance, so will you, and your much better than me. You're a great person. You always put the safety and feelings of those you care about in front of yours. That makes you a hero. Even if you don't have powers."

Kara wanted to believe that she did, but she couldn't. So she just offered a smile towards the two girls and finished her whiskey.

"That my whiskey?" The captain questioned. "Well... It was." Kara replied with a grin. "Blame it on Rory. He had it first."She stated as she walked away from them. The last thing she heard when she was walking out of the room was Zari laughing her head off and Sara telling her she'll regret that.

⇔ EARTH 38 ⇔

Lena, Alex, and Winn have been using all of their free time trying to Locate the superhero. Saying it was difficult would be the understatement of the year. Winn showed Lena all of her last transactions the last time people saw Supergirl in public before she disappeared. They went through her diaries looking for any clues, as presumed none were found. At least they thought nothing was there. The only thing those diaries did was break Lena's heart a little more and make her a little more resentful and angry towards those who knew about Kara's identity before she did.

_ She told Nia after weeks of knowing her but never considered revealing her secret to her best friend for three years. Ouch. _

One thing Lena did find was a bunch of letters that were never sent out in an envelope in the back of the diary. She snuck them into her pocket discreetly, making sure neither Alex or Winn noticed them. After hours of going through pictures, articles, and hacking into her bank accounts (that were closed by the way), they didn't find anything. Not even little traps set to take them somewhere else. Alex and Winn said their goodbyes to Lena, and they decided they would meet up again the coming Saturday until then they would all be working to find anything that might benefit them in tracking down the lost girl.

The following hour after the two DEO agents left, Lena found herself cuddled up in the corner of her lavish sofa, pulling out the letters Kara had written but never sent out over the months. She knew this was a bad idea. Lena hadn't forgiven the Superfriends or Kara yet if she was going to forgive them. Either way, she never wanted any of the Superfriends dead. Thinking of Kara being found dead didn't make Lena feel good or fill the hole in her heart left by her traitorous best friend. Ex-best friend. Sam took that spot long ago, but Lena would be kidding herself if she said that she didn't miss Kara. Sam couldn't always be there. She had a child take care of, and ruby would always be first, and Lena understood that. She still couldn't help but miss being number one to someone.

She realized kara/supergirls were always there for her. In different perspectives, of course, Supergirl there doing all the heavy lifting and saving Lena physically while Kara was still emotionally helping Lena pick up the pieces. She would play to Lena's every whim. It felt good knowing that there was somebody who would do anything for her anytime. If Lena wished for pizza and movie night, kara would be there. If she wanted to walk in the park, Kara would be there. When Lena was in danger, Supergirl would always show up at the right time, she would always save Lena no matter what it took, and Lena never understood why and she still doesn't. She didn't understand why Supergirl would risk her life, saving  _ a Luthor _ when her family was the one almost killing her using Kryptonite. She knew how sinful it was to think about Kara and Supergirl playing to her every whim. She was practically using Supergirl sometimes. Lena couldn't help but notice how attractive Supergirl was, but she never did anything about it. On the other hand, she found Kara adorable, she felt safe and comfortable around her, but she pushed away from the thoughts of ever making what she had with Kara more serious. As far as she knew, Kara was straight.

She took out the oldest letter in that envelope since it was dated back to the time when Lena had just found out who Kara was and started reading the letter carefully so she wouldn't miss anything.  _ Your only doing this to find her. It's not personal; it's just the right thing to do. _

* * *

_ Lena, _

_ I wish I were the one who told you; I wanted you to find out from me, but you didn't. I know you hate me, and right now, I hate myself too. I can't understand the pain I have caused you, but I am so so sorry. Truly. I thought I was shielding you from the danger by not telling you. Clearly I wrong, people will always target you because of your last name, and you were already associated with me so I should have informed you, but I didn't, and yes I regret that, but I don't think any good would have come out of it, either way, you would have still been in more danger. So yes, I would rather lose my best friend than risk your life. _

_ It's been a week now since you've confronted me and ended our friendship. That day was the worst day of my life. I cried for hours, and then I realized something. I hurt both _ _ of us, you more than me, so I swore by Rao and your name that I would never let myself get close to someone else because they all get hurt in the end. I swore I would learn how to live without you because you told me I should. _

_ I remind myself of your words every time I think about visiting you. You told me to leave you alone, so I am. Although I am writing, I know you won't receive it because I won't send it. I won't invade your privacy, and I won't come after you. From now on, I will only see you if you are in danger. I will only go after you to save you. I've stopped listening to your heartbeat. I've tried my best to finish my super hearing, but sometimes when I'm flying around patrolling the city, I can't help but hear it. I can't help but listen to you sobbing on your couch while drinking wine. Every time I see you, I was about to go to you, but I remind myself that I'm the one who put you in that situation. _

_ Game night isn't the same without you. It sucks, so I have decided to stop going. Plus I didn't win anything since you weren't there and everybody already had their partners. James offered to partner up with me, but honestly comparing him to you, he doesn't know me, and I don't know him that well, and two he sucks at chess and practically every game because he doesn't focus. I miss seeing you get all competitive. _

_ You also sold Catco, I would be lying to say that it didn't hurt when I saw some new random lady sitting in your chair, she's sweet, but she's not you. She doesn't know how this place works; she randomly assigned us some articles and kicked us out of the office. _

_ I need to take my mind off of this; I'm going to fly around a bit. There are these beautiful plane fields in Germany, a vast space of grass and hills no one around for miles and the farthest place I can think of. I won't go for long just a couple laps, and I'll be done, things are pretty mellow for Supergirl right now, but Kara has a tough long day in front of her. _

_ Always and forever your hero, _

_ Kara. _

* * *

Lena folds the letter and places it back in the envelope, fiddling with it before putting away thinking that this was enough for the day. She takes a few deep breaths to stop herself from crying, but that all goes out the window when she lays down in her bed and starts sobbing at the reminder of everything that has happened in the past year.


	4. letters and scotch

The next morning came, and Lena felt all the misery from the night before hit her as she felt the dry tears on her face from crying herself to sleep.  _ Damn you, Kryptonian. _ She cursed the Kryptonian for putting her in such a situation.

She got up out of bed to get ready for work. After a couple of hours sitting at her desk and not being able to focus due to the letter she read the night before, she decided to call it quits for the day and go home to relax. If that was even possible since the Superhero was occupying, always occupying her mind.

After wasting as much time as possible in the bathtub, she decided to get out of due to the water becoming cold, and she needed to start researching more about Kara's whereabouts. All she knew was that the Kara disappeared about two months after Lena left National City. She had refused to watch the news or read anything remotely related to Supergirl. So naturally, the first thing she did was search up the hero's name, and she truly wished she hadn't. She filters the videos by the past two months, and what she was witnessing was terrifying her. Kara, a Kryptonian, Supergirl, the strongest woman alive, was getting beaten as it appears in every video. She went back to a video that got uploaded around a week after their fallout.

Supergirl was letting the Alien punch her over and over again while she pretended to struggle against him. Finally, after many painful punches and kicks that he landed on her, she hit him flying back into a building as she fell to the ground. Lena closed her eyes, wincing at what she was watching. The hero looked paler and smaller than she used to be. She struggled to get back up, so Alex ran to her, helping her into a disguised DEO van where she could rest. Lena was confused. Kara was supposed to be invincible; she wasn't supposed to get tired after a fight that should have taken a couple of minutes for her to take him down. Events like this usually never happened unless Kryptonite was involved in the battle.

Lena spent hours watching videos and reading Articles about Supergirl. Some fights were brutal; she was about to be killed in some of them. A lot of these people had ended up with Kryptonite somehow, and they were using it against her. She started crying as she watched the Super fall onto the ground but struggled to get back up, she also saw her using all of her energy punchings and kicking, barely being able to use her super speed and laser vision. She watched Supergirl use all of her energy to land one last punch before falling to the ground and not getting back up. At first, it seemed like she was letting them hit her on purpose, but as she went through pictures, she saw how the Kryptonian look paler in as time went on. There was a short clip showing her stopping a truck from crashing into a car, but as the kid went out to thank her she didn't stop for an autograph like she usually did or take a picture with him, instead, she flew away into the night sky not bothering to look back. That confused Lena. As far as she knew, Supergirl loved interacting with little kids. Before she knew that Kara was Supergirl, she would gush to her about how Supergirl takes the time out her day to talk to little kids.

It pained Lena to see the change in Kara's eyes, the ones tha t were filled with so much warmth and happiness now had a winter storm forming inside of them. She seemed distant during the fights, and Lena wished she knew what Kara was thinking during those moments. Suddenly she remembered the letters that she found in Kara's diaries. She went over to her bedroom and opened up the drawer where she kept those letters. She pulled the letter that had been written after the first one and started reading.

<strike> **_______** </strike>

_ Dear Lena, _

_ I find myself sitting at my desk at CatCo again, even though everyone has already left to go home. I have an article to finish writing; I have all I need to write it, but yet I haven't written a word. I've been staring at an empty document for the past two hours. It's ridiculous. The fact that I'm writing a letter to you that you will never receive yet I cannot bring myself to write an article that people all over the world are going to read and care about, except you. I hope you're doing fine. _

_ I heard that you are starting a new company called 'Lightan' back in Metropolis. You'll probably be spending a lot of time there since I know the CEO must be there when their company is opening a new firm. Especially across the country, It upsets me that you'll be leaving for weeks at a time, maybe even months, but I know what I think doesn't matter. _

_ Today Snapper told me to interview you for an exclusive, but I tried telling him I wouldn't be able to talk to you from now on. He didn't want to hear it, so I continued with a project that I have been working on for the past few weeks. Later he asked me for the exclusive article I had written about your new company; I told him I didn't have it. He was about to fire me, but James stepped in and told him off, he also said to him that no one would be able to get any more exclusives because you are too busy right now. I thanked him, although there was no need for that. I wouldn't have cared if I got fired. _

_ It's quite dull now, and I'm too stressed to write anything. Not to mention by ribs hurt like hell because of some stupid anti-alien woman who had stopped me for an autograph pretending to be a fan, so I went over to her, and as I was posing for a picture, she stabbed me with a Kryptonite pen in my right rib. I don't understand how I didn't see that coming. It still hurts, but luckily it wasn't enough to make me feel powerless or beat me to the point where I would have to take the rest of the day off. _

_ Not that would have made any difference. I can't believe people are going down to such levels to take a hit against me. If they want to fight, I'll give them a fight. All they need to do is ask. Anyways, I should go home now. The guards are starting to lock up, and they've asked me to leave multiple times, not that I care, but I think I'm going to revisit the hills, no one is there to bother me, its peaceful and the feel of fresh air is exactly what I need right now. _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Kara. _

Lena swallowed, feeling the bile rise in her throat at the thought of someone stabbing Kara after she was kind to them.

_ 'Cowards. That all these people are cowards. They're too scared of people who have more power than them, that's why they play so dirty. That's probably why she stopped taking pictures and interacting with citizens as much.  _ ' She thought as her face wrenched up in an expression of disgust. She pulled out another letter; this one seemed shorter. It intrigued her, considering that Kara usually wrote a lot in her letters.

<strike> **_______** </strike>

_ Dear Lena, _

_ I'm sorry. _

_ For the times I hurt you, for the times I lied to you, and for every other reason, you're mad at me. I know my apologies don't mean anything to you, but aside from that, all I can do is make sure your safe. _

_ You might not know this, but I purposely take the longer route when I'm patrolling the city just so I can fly by your window multiple times quickly, so you won't even notice. I go out of my way to make sure you're okay, and I will keep doing that as long as you're here and your alive. _

_ Just because we don't talk doesn't mean I've forgotten about you, it doesn't mean that I no longer care. The truth is, I still do. Even after swearing that I would stop, I still can't. I do my best to check up on you and see how you're doing. _

_ To see if you're okay, but every time I get the urge to talk to you I remember that were just some strangers with some memories, you don't want me in your life, and I understand If I were you, I would not want anything to do with me either. _

_ But even though everything has changed; I want you to know that I'm always looking out for you, I always remind Sam to check up on you and lend you an ear even though she doesn't need me to tell her that. She's a much better friend than I was or will ever be. _

_ I don't ask for anything in return; I don't wish to know what you were talking about and what you're struggling with because that is none of my business. _

_ I miss you. I miss your presence, although missing you does hurt, it's nothing compared to knowing that I had you and lost you because I'm too much of a selfish coward. _

_ Best regards _

_ Kara: _

_ P.S: _

_ The hills look beautiful now with the snow covering them... I wish you could see them. _

_ <strike> **_______** </strike> _

Her guilt was consuming her; she had never felt any other emotion so strongly before. Never had she felt so much shame before for something she had caused unintentionally. She'd never felt so much shame in her life for allowing her best friend to fall into a state where nothing mattered to her anymore. Reading those letters were like the fact that she was alongside Kara this whole time, watching her change between cold and hot until she ultimately, she chooses cold and disappears.

And then it hit her. She mentioned the hills a lot.  _ 'Could that be where she's hiding?'  _ She thought to herself.  _ I mean, she always expressed her fondness of nature and how much she loved the suburbs and the peace with it.  _ Lena was feeling at an incredible speed, asking herself all types of questions.

_ But in Germany? Although she does know how to speak German fluently, that would make sense except for the fact that she said it was just hills, there would be no place unless she built her own house. _

_ No, that's just ridiculous, Lena. _

_ But she is Supergirl... she could quickly build a cottage within a couple of days, or even a treehouse! _

Lena found herself giggling at the thought of Kara living in a treehouse-like Tarzan. It was a bizarre thought, and she couldn't imagine it. She was pretty sure Kara would have died the first day there, how on earth would she find food, she barely knew how to make pancakes let alone hunt for her food.

Lena quickly dialed Alex's number.

"Hey, what is it? Did you find any leads? Do you know where she is? Is she okay?" Alex, through a bunch of questions at Lena and Lena, could barely understand a word that Alex had said since she was speaking so fast.

"Alex, Alex, Alex! Relax, please!

"Uh yeah, sorry, what is it?"

"I think I might know where she is, well, I think I have a lead. Come over and bring some Scotch with you, I need a drink, and I  _ know  _ you have some, so don't even try to lie to me."

"I'll be there in fifteen, Winn is dead passed out anyways. See you." Alex ended the call, and she couldn't help but feel the hope ignite in her as she made her way to Lena's. Just thinking that she might see her sister soon made her excited, although she knew that she shouldn't let her hope to get the best of her. Still _ , it was the first time someone thought they knew where Kara was, and this was Lena if she felt she had a clue she had to be right, even though Alex spent a year searching Lena managed to find something in less than four days. _

Lena pulled out another letter to read while she was waiting for Alex to come over, and she knew this wasn't the smartest idea she couldn't help herself even though she knew she was going to be a sobbing mess by the time the Agent arrived.


	5. my days blend together, i don't notice myself falling apart.

The Super Friends were playing out their days as usual.

James was at CatCo working, Nia was still catching bad guys while continuing to become a better reporter. Brainy became a Robotics Engineer, and he excelled at it, of course, because he was an AI from the thirty-first century, but no one had to know that.

Kelly, on the other hand , was working on her and Alex's house that they bought a couple of weeks ago. They decided they wanted to fix it up themselves to make it more unique and homey. They were very high on the Adoption List and would most likely get a baby in a couple of months, which is why they started a nursery.

One thing was bothering Kelly and everyone in the Superfriends. Kara's disappearance. Kelly found out that Kara and Supergirl were one around the same around the time that Kara started to grow distant. She noticed how she and Supergirl began to caring and less and the way they walked without any purpose. Another factor was that Lena completely stopped showing up to Game nights and get-togethers. The way no one said her name around Kara as if she were poison to her. She had her suspicions until Alex confirmed it.

The couple married three months ago. Just a couple of days after Alex got shot and almost died while going after a criminal. It was a rash decision, but Kelly was scared to lose her, so they decided to elope quickly.

J'onn and Eliza were _furious_.

They chose not to have a wedding due to circumstances because Kara wasn't going to be there. Alex wasn't up for celebrating with so many people if her sister wasn't there. Kelly was disappointed that she wasn't going to have that big wedding she always dreamed of, but she was just happy to call Alex her wife.

Everything was different for the Superfriends.

Game nights were quieter, almost no one dares to mention the names, Kara or Lena. Alex was busier nowadays. Supergirl wasn't there to save the day anymore, which caused the FBI and Police to start working instead of watching the hero do their job for them.

Not that they didn't work, they did, and everybody was grateful for that, but when Supergirl was around, she did most of the heavy lifting. Families didn't have to worry about their loved ones dying while fighting a rogue alien or doing crazy dangerous activities because Supergirl would take care of that.

Kara's disappearance affected everyone. Alex the most, and that was putting a strain on her relationships. Kelly would be lying if she said that she wasn't angry at Kara for leaving without any warning. She knew Alex felt sad, angry, disappointed, and devastated all at the same time, but she couldn't help but feel bad for herself. They were getting a kid of their own in a couple of months, if not weeks, and Alex paid no attention to that fact.

Almost as if it became less important to her.

Kelly wanted to yell at her for being that way, but she couldn't say anything. Especially not when Alex was hurting deep down so much even though she didn't show it. Kara's disappearance was weighing everyone down, and it all led to one person. A single person that made their way into the group silently and slowly as if they were there the entire time. That person was Lena Luthor.

The moment Lena left was the moment everything started crumbling down. Sure it saddened them that their friend no longer wanted anything to do with them, but no one felt so hurt by it as much as Kara did. After those series of unfortunate events, Kelly realized something. Kara was the one holding the group together, and if they didn't get her back soon, everything would fall apart into pieces.

The puzzle they worked so hard to put together would be a scattered mess all over again. And no one wanted that to happen.

So Kelly was willing to swallow her feelings and wait for things to become better. But she wasn't for long, especially if it meant that her child would have to live with one mother and half of the other. Even if her wife was currently halfway across the world on some 'mission.' 

____

Cat sat in her office in front of the pile of papers trying to finish as quickly as possible so she could go home to her son. Her son, Carter, had been much happier since that fateful day he and Supergirl worked to save the train. He smiled more, made jokes, and interacted with people more. And she couldn't help but be thankful for her assistant, Kara Danvers, who she heard quit out of nowhere but she knew that wasn't the case.

She knew that Kara Danvers was, in fact, Supergirl, the glasses didn't fool anyone who had been paying attention. Cat had a talent for picking out the extraordinary pretending to be a nobody. She would give her assistant so many things to do, and she would have them finished faster than any other of her assistants could have. She rarely made a mistake. Cat saw the kind person that Kara was, she liked to tease her and give her a hard time, but she looked out for her. She remembered the time when Kara had come to her office after she alters ego, Supergirl defeated the Rhea and the Daximite invaders.

That was the first time she saw kara so emotional and upset. She could sense the heartbreak the hero was feeling, so she had her spill out her feelings. Cat was glad to know that her understudy trusted her enough to talk about something so personal.

Even though Kara disguised her heartbreak for the fact that she and her boyfriend broke up, Cat could see right through it, what gave it away was that she said he had to leave. She heard that Supergirl had launched a chemical poisonous to Daximites, which meant they had to leave earth or die, which meant her boyfriend was a Daximte.

She would see Supergirl parading around with the new male hero following her, looking like a lovesick puppy. She also knew how important it was for Kara's identity to be secret, so she played along when kara had her martian friend shapeshift into Supergirl to try and "prove" her boss wrong. She would respect the super's choice.

And now, the super hadn't been seen in almost a year, it was like Kara Danvers, and Supergirl left earth altogether. Cat knew that was possible, but that would make no sense. She also knew that Kara's emotional being went down along with her physical health.

It all has something to do with that, Luthor.

She knew Kara and Lena Luthor were best friends, maybe something more because no one looks at their friends the way they look at each other, but they were both utterly oblivious to that fact. Sometimes Cat thought of locking them up in an Elevator until they kissed, but unfortunately, she had no time for that.

Soon Lena and kara stopped showing up in the magazines. There were no more secret phot os that some paparazzi managed to get off the two friends meeting up and having lunch together. Although they would immediately be taken down by Cat because she knew the reporter liked her privacy. Cat found out that her company was sold to another woman by Lena. Whenever she went to visit CatCo, she would see how the glitter had left the girl's eyes and how she became more distant, barely interacting with people at the workplace.

She was distraught, and every time she was about to ask Kara what was wrong, something came up, and Supergirl was needed. So, of course, Cat didn’t stand in the way of the young hero. It had been a year since she disappeared, and Cat couldn't help but think if she died and the government just hid it from the public. Nevertheless, there was no proof, so she always stood up and told the people to have hope that their hero would come back, and if not that they should be grateful we even had her in the first place, that we should never forget everything she has ever done for us.

Cat had hope that the Kryptonian was alright; she would find herself thinking from time to time about the girl that would sit at her desk trying to fit it.

_ 'Oh Kara Danvers, what a plot twist you were.' _

⇔ METROPOLIS ⇔

"Where did you find these letters?" Alex asked Lena as she was going over all the unread letters from her sister.

"They fell out of her diary, and they were all addressed to me, so I didn't feel the need to tell you. I'd say sorry, but I'm not." Lena replied, keeping her voice firm as she opened a poured some scotch for herself and her guest, who was currently making a mess in her living room taking notes.

"Yes, I figured you weren't, and no need to apologize technically belong to you," Alex told her in a matter-of-fact that made her believe it.

"So, why do you think it's the hills?" The red-haired asked sipping the scotch that Lena offered her after practically demanding that she brings some over. "Well, for starters, you know how much she loves nature, and after being in the city for so long, I would imagine she would go somewhere different. She mentions that she was going somewhere where no would be able to find her. So, across the world to vast hills that go on for acres would make sense."

"Well yes, but don't you think that's a little too far fetched, she said she wanted to be normal so isolating yourself doesn't make sense."

Lena hmms in reply, every time she thought they'd found something, they go back to square one.

"I mean, Kara would never go somewhere so far and isolated from people unless it was to open like some portal to the multiverse-" Alex stopped mid-sentence as she realized something.

"Wait, what multiverse? Are you saying that multiple universes exist? Like a bunch of earth and same people? - hold up!

"Lena! Chill, and yes, the Multiuniverse does exist. But I don't want to jump to conclusions. I want to make sure that Kara isn't actually in Germany before we jump to any conclusions. And even if she is on a different Earth, we don't have any way to communicate with them. Plus, she can't open a portal by herself; her superspeed isn't fast enough. It doesn't add up."

"T- I can't even- that is so cool! One question what is this earth called? Also, how many people have traveled between universes-" Lena rambled on, and Alex cut her off once she saw how excited the young CEO was getting.

"Alright, one, that was more than one question you genius, and two this earth is called 'Earth 38' you'd have to get Barry to explain all this to you," Alex answered back sarcastically answering the first half and then drowning herself in scotch for the last sentence.

"Barry?"

"Yes, Barry Allen, he's the flash on earth two."

"You mean like The Flash as in the superhero who runs around at impossible speed in a red suit?"

"Yes, Lena! Why is this so hard for you to believe we have Aliens." Alex replied with a groan getting quickly agitated by the with her... friend?  Alex wasn't sure if Lena and herself were friends again.  Let's say frenemies, for now; she probably hasn't forgiven me any of the  Superfriends.

"Okay, call Winn and get him to run facial recognition in Germany and anywhere she might be. If we confirm that she was in Germany, we'll go check it out. If not, we're going to have to figure out a way to get there." Lena quickly told Alex what to do as if she's been thinking about this for months.  "Yes, ma'am." Alex chuckled at Lena's quick thinking.

"What? I want to get Kara back, but I can't say I don't want to travel to another universe ."

"Barry left is something he said we could use in case of emergencies, maybe we can use it to communicate with them."

"Great, get started on that." She replied, showing more enthusiasm. Maybe they are going to be able to find her, not that it _mattered_ to Lena per se; she just wanted to pay back her debts.  "Alright, I'll see you soon," Alex said before she left.  Lena just smiled. In return, as she walked Alex to the door before saying goodbye to her.


	6. imp told me to play it cool, but in my mind there is only you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit from Kara's POV, Alex and Lena have long talks, poor Winn is doing all the work and Alex's marriage is strained. Secrets come out, the girls are kind of drunk and they don't notice a lot of clues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote the interactions between Alex and Lena, the EARTH-38 part is mostly the big change.

**⇔ THE WAVERIDER ⇔**

It was an oddly quiet week for the Legends: no problems, no one misplaced in time, and no monsters who were running around terrorizing humans or, well, the other way around.

It was almost too quiet.

Too quiet for Sara’s liking that she asked Gideon to search for some gangs or thieves she can take out. Kara decided to tag along since almost everybody seemed to be sleeping, and she was becoming quickly tired of training by herself.

“Gideon, have you found anything Kara and I can take care of? We are bored,” Sara exhales.

“Well, I think I have something that might help you out. There is a Mafia called ‘Saints,’ and they have been terrorizing Gotham City for the past few months, they keep growing bigger every day.” Gideon Informed the Captain.

“Gotham City? Isn’t that where Kate Kane lives?”

“That is indeed correct, Miss. Danvers. Gotham City started growing in the 19th century, by the end of Gotham City became a bustling hub of industry. However, it also became a haven for crime, known more for its poverty, squalidness of its slums, and the utter corruption of its government than for commercial and cultural achievements. Currently, it is where the last of the Wayne Enterprises family members reside.”

“Thank you Gideon, now Sara, how about we go visit Batwoman?”

“Hold up a minute, Batwoman?” Sara questioned her voice filled with disbelief, hearing about the vigilante she always thought was a myth.

Myth? Your job is to travel in time and save the timeline. Not that you do any saving, you fuck it up a lot, though.

“Yes, Bruce Wayne’s cousin, he disappeared a few years back, I think being Batman became too much for him. It’s not easy to protect a city that doesn’t want to be protected. Especially if that city looks like a nightmare made out of metal and stone.”

“Well, then let’s help Gotham out!” Sara exclaimed, waving her hands around.

“I honestly, I doubt that we would be doing anything helpful, but sure let’s go take out a Mafia hopefully that’ll help them out.”

“Why not? Take out the Mafia. Everything goes back to normal- BAM!” Sara tried to reason with the younger girl who didn’t seem very interested.

“Not how it’s going to work, but okay.” Kara agreed, still not entirely convinced that the Captain understood everything.

“What do you mean?” Sara questioned her.

“First of all, Gotham has been in a crime hub since the 1930s, also there are multiple mafias, drug dealers not only that nearly everyone lives in poverty and those who are rich use their money to bring in more drugs and throw parties.” She explained.

“Well, screw it then! Let’s take our chance if it is as bad as it sounds. We can’t possibly make it worse right?” The Captain tried reassuring her best fighter on the ship.

Kara looked at her for a moment before nodding her head and agreeing to the plan. Mostly because she believed that if she didn’t get out of the Waverider soon, she was going to die quickly.

“Hey, but first, why are you bored? Where’s Ava?” Kara asked, wondering where the tall blonde was since she always seemed to be around.

“Held up at the Bearu,” Sara sighs. “Stupid Gary messed up a ton of documents, so she had to stay back and fix them while dealing with him.” Sara groaned.

“Well, that sucks, now let’s go beat some asses,” Kara exclaimed, sounding somewhat excited, and the Captain was going to accept that. Better than nothing and having her stuck in training her room all day.

Sara was genuinely impressed with Kara’s combat skills. She was catching up with Sara quickly. The Captain taught her the same abilities and moves, including using multiple swords, but Kara liked knives better because she could hide them, and they didn’t weigh much so she could fight at incredible speed.

“Gideon, you know what to do,” Sara called out to Waverider’s incredible AI.

**⇔ EARTH THIRTY-EIGHT⇔**

Winn had run multiple facial recognition software he called government agencies and stayed up nights looking for anything that could prove Kara did visit Germany. He silently prayed that she did because if she is on a different earth, that would be a terrible situation first, because Lena and Alex would kill her for going to extreme measures.

And second of all, it would be tough for them to find her on another Earth. Many thoughts were running through his head. ‘Would she even want to come back?’ He thought. He was in his world of loud worrying thoughts that he didn’t even notice Alex calling him until she pinched his shoulder, which sent him falling off his chair startled.

“That was mean!” Winn hissed at Alex.

“Sorry, Winn, it had to be done. Anyways, have you found anything?” Alex questions.

“Nothing. None. Zero, Dull, maru!” He exclaims, his voice grazed with some hard sarcasm.

“Okay, then.” Alex commented, giving Winn an awkward, ‘What the hell was that’ type of gaze.

“And before you ask. Yes, I’m sure. If she did go to Germany, people would know, considering she’s super famous,” Winn stopped to look at them waiting for the two women to understand his fabulous pun, but he was met with glares. “That pun would have killed in the south! Anyways, she didn’t specify what hills she went to visit in Germany, but I did search the descriptions of it, and the only hills that were matched what she described and were very far from people are the Zemuarki hills. To get there, you would have to cross multiple cities, and to consider the cameras showed no sightings of Supergirl from the past two years, she wasn’t there.”

“But she has super speed. I mean, it is possible right?” She asked him, almost begging for him to say yes.

“No, it’s not. The government would have been alerted of the sound barrier-breaking at speed she must have been using.” Winn gulped before continuing.

“Also, the letters were addressed days before she vanished. The timelines don’t add up if were thinking that she disappeared on her trips to Germany. The last place she was seen as Kara Danvers was in CatCo. Security says that she was working late on a piece, and they heard her arguing with someone, but when they went to check, there was no one. Her desk cleared out, and the cameras didn’t capture those moments.” 

“So you’re telling me she was working, then all of a sudden the cameras got shut, and she was- what kidnapped?!” 

“That’s a possibility -”

“Oh my god,” Alex swore, and Lena hid her face in her hands. 

“I said it’s a possibility, but she has powers so highly unlikely.”

“And how do we know that exactly? She’s Supergirl, whatever is left of Lex’s minions might be behind this.”

“I don’t think so, Lena, we caught most of them, and if they have Supergirl, why would they keep quiet? It doesn’t seem like something they would do.” 

“Maybe, Uhm, let’s look into them again, as far as I know since Lex’s death no one who’s been affiliated with Cadmus or what used to be LuthorCorp has tried something in a long time.”

“Have you guys talked to Superman? Can’t he find her, with his superhearing and all?”

“We have, he can’t seem to find her,” Alex answered the CEO, and at Lena’s confused look, she explained further. “Superman can’t control his hearing, as well as Kara, does since he grew up here and didn’t get his powers until late, Kara has had to train for years with her powers learning how to control them,” Alex explained. Lena nodded her head, indicating that she was listening, but her eyes were looking everywhere but at Alex.

“When she first arrived, she refused to touch anyone anything because whenever she did, the objects around her would immediately break. She didn’t know how to control her strength, and her hearing would keep her up at night, she had many panic attacks when she was little because of nightmares and sounds. Hell, we had to sleep with the window open since she was claustrophobic, but it got better; she still had her bad days, though.” 

The useless emotion she recognized as guilt came rippling through her chest again at the image of young Kara being terrified of her powers and isolating herself, not wanting to hurt anybody. For some reason, it saddened her when it clearly shouldn’t have. 

_ Why the hell does I feel bad for her, it was her problems, and she took care of it. _

She was pulled out of her thoughts when a hand touched her shoulder, shaking her gently.

“Are you okay?” Winn asked, and Lena flinched away from him, not comfortable with touching.  _ Boundaries, they’ll keep me from getting hurt.  _ She reasoned with herself when she saw the guilty look on Winn’s face. 

Coughing awkwardly, Lena retreated to her kitchen but not before asking if anybody wanted a drink. 

“No, thank you. It’s a little early for a drink, don’t you think?”

“Look who that’s coming from, and no, I think this situation requires something strong.”

Alex snorted at the reply and went back to looking through some documents she retrieved from CatCo and her sister’s loft. 

A few hours, later Winn left women to themselves as he headed back to the hotel room to research some things going them to look through documents. Which they did not do, well, gave up on after a few hours later, now Lena was drunk but still able to read, because she had been going through Kara’s diaries for hours now even if she was doing to keep busy. 

The buzz in the back Lena’s mind caused by the alcohol was keeping her from being able to understand everything accurately. The green-eyed Luthor was starting to get a headache, and Alex wasn’t doing much better; she was sulking near the couch with a bottle of beer in her hand and lazily watching Netflix after she finished filling out a document. 

Lena’s eyes kept trailing from the writing in the diary to the bottle of beer next to her, knowing it wasn’t a smart idea to keep drinking since she wanted to go to work the next morning as usual and a hangover would not be helping her. 

“Hey, Alex.. read this. I don’t get it.”

“Sometimes you have a feeling that an imp is standing behind you and dictating you, but he’s just putting everything back together for you.” Alex read, and her facial expression showed how confused she was. 

“Imps, man, I don’t know. We dealt with an imp once. He kept teleporting Kara around and controlling her; it was hilarious at first. Still, then he was trying to get Kara to marry him or someone- I don’t remember, Lenaaaa,” Alex whined as she shook her beer that was empty, but the redhead didn’t notice that in her drunken state. 

“Maybe, he had something- something to do with - it,” Lena said while trying to not a hiccup. 

“No, no, we banished him,” Alex said as she did the superman pose and nodded her head several times, looking very silly. 

“Banished?” Lena asked. 

“Yes, like a video game, hey wanna watch a movie?” She asked but only after making a sword motion with her hand.

“No, you can though, I’m gonna go rest.”

“Okay!” Alex said as she grabbed a cushion and sat down at the very expensive, yet somehow not a comfortable sofa. 

_ She needs better furniture; even mine is more comfortable. _

“I’ll have you know that this  _ uncomfortable sofa _ is meriting four months of what Supergirl’s rent was.”

“ _ Is _ , we still pay for it. Well, the DEO does.” 

“That’s considerate of them,” Lena said as she drew out her phone and started tapping on it, furiously looking very determined and focused.

Alex stares at the ceiling for a few moments before she falls asleep; soon enough, she’s waking up to a phone ringing nearby. 

“It’s yours,” Lena tells her before Alex even thinks to ask whether it’s her phone or the brunettes. 

“Weren’t you going to sleep?” Alex questioned the woman. 

“I need to do something first,” Lena responded as she kept typing on her phone, and Alex hummed, looking pleased with the answer and too drained to argue. 

Alex goes to pick up the phone but halts when she sees the caller ID, she sighs before answering and putting the phone to her ear. 

“Hello? No, yeah, I’m fine. Winn and I arrived in Metropolis a few hours ago; I’m at Lena’s. Yes, she’s willing to help.” Alex maintained her conversation with Kelly, not seeming quite interested, and Lena couldn’t help but overhear. The last time she saw Kelly was a few days before she left National City when the woman advised her to stay and talk things out with Kara instead of going. 

Of course, her reaction was the same as it was to everyone else. She lashed out on her and asked Kelly not to contact her again. It seemed like the right thing to do, but now she wishes that she had stayed in contact with at least one of the Superfriends. 

“No, Kelly, I don’t know when I’ll come back. Well, we haven’t been matched with a kid, so when we do, I’ll be back then. Hey, listen, can we talk about this later? No- Kelly, that is  _ not  _ what I mean-” Alex sighs before she throws her phone on the couch. 

“Adopting, huh?” Lena asked, trying to stir a conversation and an explanation about what the hell just went down. Even though she knew she didn’t deserve it and probably shouldn’t be told, she wanted to know because a part of her still cared. 

“Yeah, we are, maybe. We applied and filled out all the applications, got accepted, just waiting to be paired up with a kid.” 

“Shouldn’t you be in National City then? You know, waiting with your girlfriend?”

“Wife. We got married last summer.” Alex corrects before she pulls out a ring that she was wearing around her neck. Lena wasn’t surprised in the least when she left National City, Alex and Kelly were head over heels for each other, and she wasn’t surprised to hear that they had gotten married. 

“You don’t seem surprised, Lena.” 

“Well, what can I say, when I left National City you two were all over each other, I can’t say I’m exactly surprised to hear that you two got married, you guys are disgustingly in love.”

“Yeah, not so sure about that anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Lena asked, her voice laced with worry.

“We’ve been arguing almost every day, I don’t know what’s wrong, I walk into a room, and she leaves, if I tell her I have to go to work she starts yelling at me for no reason.”

“Well, I’m sure she has a reason this is Kelly, her entire job is about being reasonable, Alex.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just- I can’t say this to Kelly without breaking her heart, but I don’t know if I’m ready for a kid. Not right now.”

“Haven’t you wanted a kid for like forever? You broke up with Maggie because she didn’t want kids, Alex.” Lena reminded Alex, and the agent flinched. 

“Thanks, Miss. Obvious, I- I want to be focused on my family, and only my family when we get a kid. And right now-”

“Your too busy trying to find Supergirl, and it’s not fair to them?” Lena finished for Alex. 

“Yeah, just that.” Alex sighed as she rubbed her forehead. 

An impregnated quiet looms over, “You can say her name, you know.” Alex mutters, “What?” Lena asks, “Kara; you can say her name.”

“I can’t.”

Alex glares at Lena, “I can’t say her name because everything will become very real then.” 

“That’s... stupid. You already know it’s real.”

“That’s not what I mean; I don’t think I was ever able actually to reconcile that Supergirl and Kara are the same people.”

“So, it’s easier for you to pretend that Supergirl is the one missing and not Kara?”

“Yeah, it is,” Lena whispered. 

“Do you still care about her?” Alex asked very carefully. 

“No,” Lena murmured, “I still love her.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment below what you think and leave some suggestions- your comments help to motivate me so much! I always take your opinions and reviews into account.


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